He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
