our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
