Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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