did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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