and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
