Please don't use social media to get back at me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
