I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
