So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
