It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
