they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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