Im at strip club and am horny
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
