She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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