I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
