I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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