Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
