i think my mom watched the whole time
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
