the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
