ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
