Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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