My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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