I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
