I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
