i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
