Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
