I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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