hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
