i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I faked an abortion last night.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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