we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
