OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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