Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
