I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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