honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
