I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize