So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize