I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
