Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
