is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
