What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
