dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
