Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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