I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
