none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
