I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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