I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize