sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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