i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
