He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
