I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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