Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
another moral hangover. fuck.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
