Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
