why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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