i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
