After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
