i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
