well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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