I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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