JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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