Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
