i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
