Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She bit a glass in half.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize