Umm I'm too high to move.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
