I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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