you didnt know i had herpes?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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