i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
In the future we'll all be gay
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
