I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
