So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
