just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
