and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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