I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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